Harumph… I said under my breath as I put down the mystery book I was enjoying to respond to my daughter calling me from down the hall.
I won’t have to deal with my mom’s nursing home requests again… if I just let the phone go to voicemail.
My phone buzzed. “I’m so sorry. I have to cancel lunch.” I stared at the screen. And before I could stop myself… I smiled. Not because I’d miss her. Because I wouldn’t have to spend two hours listening to her problems.
Who was I becoming with so much resentment boiling under the surface? When did I become the kind of person who festered over small things? When did I let resentment take the driver’s seat in my emotional life?
I felt like I was becoming a bitter old woman.
I thought resentment meant people were asking too much of me.
But I was wrong.
The most uncomfortable truth? I wasn’t angry at them. I was angry at myself — for never saying no.
It meant I had stopped asking enough of myself.
Then I realized something that changed everything.
Resentment isn’t a character flaw. It’s a message. A message from the part of me I’d been ignoring for years. Not proof that something is wrong with me — proof that some part of me has been waiting far too long to be heard.
Resentment is like the ping on my phone — a notification to myself. It was never about my kids, husband, family, or friends. It has always been about ME and my inability to set boundaries and stand up for myself.
I have no problem standing up for my kids in any situation. But standing up for myself? That’s always been the problem.
And because I don’t honor my own boundaries — because I don’t take care of my own needs and desires — I feel resentful of others who are able to ask for what they want and get it. That they even know what they want in the first place.
Resentment is the red flag that I have abandoned myself — that I’ve been ignoring the desires of my own soul to placate everyone else’s.
This is what happens when you repeatedly abandon yourself in the name of keeping everyone else happy.
Every time I said yes when I meant no. Every time I swallowed my disappointment. Every time I convinced myself my needs could wait.
I left another small piece of myself behind.
Eventually, resentment came looking for me.
I’ve stopped seeing resentment as an enemy.
Now I see it as a compass.
It doesn’t point toward the people who are asking too much. It points toward the places where I’ve been asking too little of myself.
Too little honesty. Too few boundaries. Too little permission. Too little care.
Follow resentment long enough… and it won’t lead you to someone else.
It’ll lead you back to yourself.
I spent years thinking resentment made me a bad person. A selfish mother. An ungrateful daughter. An impatient friend.
It didn’t.
It made me a woman who had finally run out of ways to disappear.
If any of this feels familiar, the Self-Abandonment Compass™ below will help you see exactly where you stand — and what your resentment has been trying to tell you all along.
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The Tarot Nook
Four of Wands
This week I pulled the Four of Wands. This card is about Homecoming, Community, and Celebration after hard work. At first, it seemed like an odd match for a piece about resentment. Then I realized—finding your way back to yourself after years of abandoning yourself? That's exactly worth celebrating. Also, finally uncovering the connection between resentment and boundaries and making that connection is worth celebrating. Now you can see the benefit of establishing your boundaries, and that will help you live your best life. That is worth celebrating. The Four of Wands is the perfect card for where we are now! Go celebrate!
I really appreciated this perspective on self-abandonment