You Can't Drive From the Back Seat: Making Your Own Life Decisions
Life responds to the quiet choices you make.
An Easy Decision Gone Awry
He said, “Do you want sushi on Chestnut or burgers at the Balboa?”
Simple question. Two choices.
And suddenly… nothing.
My brain went blank. My body went numb. I could feel myself slipping into that foggy, familiar nowhere-land.
“Whatever you want is fine,” I said — defaulting, deflecting, disappearing.
He looked at me and said quietly,
“No. You can make a decision. What do you want?”
And there it was: the terrifying question.
The one that shouldn’t be terrifying at all.
I tried to reach for a desire — any desire — and found… nothing. Just a void. A vacuum where my preferences should live.
That’s when it hit me:
This wasn’t indecision.
This was an energy leak.
When I Don’t Decide
I had the power to choose.
I just wasn’t using it.
I was handing it off, like I always have, without even noticing.
I was trained to be the Go-Along Girl.
Flexible. Easy. Accommodating.
“Whatever works for you” was practically a personality.
And as I sat there, paralyzed by sushi vs. burgers, a memory slammed into me:
High school.
A basketball game I desperately wanted to go to.
I had to wait for my friend’s parents to drive us, because mine wouldn’t.
They lingered at dinner, and by the time we arrived, the game was over.
I remember standing outside the gym, the lights shutting off, feeling crushed.
Not because I missed the game —
But because I had wanted something, and it didn’t matter.
That was the beginning of it.
I didn’t stop wanting.
I stopped voicing what I wanted.
Taking the Back Seat
I learned to sit in the back seat of my own life.
Not driving.
Not navigating.
Just going where other people decided.
And I am so F*cking tired of the back seat.
But here’s the catch:
the front seat requires decisions. Lots of them.
And I realized something uncomfortable:
Decision-making is a muscle.
And mine was weak.
So I’ve been training.
One tiny rep at a time.
Saying no when I mean no.
Saying yes when I mean yes.
Saying “burgers” when I want burgers — not because it’s profound, but because it’s mine.
Ignition Point
The moment everything shifts is the ignition point —
that flicker of awareness when you catch yourself slipping into the old code and ask:
“Wait… what do I want?”
Not “What keeps the peace?”
Not “What will make him happy?”
Not “What’s easiest?”
Me.
What do I want?
That’s where the energy leak stops.
That’s where power returns.
That’s where I step back into myself.
This is the real mind-body connection — not some mystical thing, but literally learning to recognize the sensation of alignment in your gut, instead of outsourcing your choices to habit or fear.
It’s not glamorous.
It’s not Instagram-worthy.
It’s not an overnight transformation.
It’s choosing yourself in tiny, almost silly moments… until it starts to feel normal.
And here’s the part that cracks me open: my daughters already know how to do this.
They ask for what they want without apologizing for existing.
They say yes when they mean yes.
They say no with clarity.
They assume they’re worthy.
That’s how I know the generational pattern broke.
This sense of not being worthy, I did not pass down.
Now I ask you:
Where do you feel your own energy leaking?
Where do you hand over your power without even noticing?
Where do you mute your desire because it feels safer than naming it?
Because here’s the truth:
Life isn’t happening to you.
Life responds to the choices you make —
especially the quiet ones.
Move into the driver’s seat.
Even if the gears grind.
Even if you stall.
Even if you don’t know the whole route.
You don’t need perfection.
You just need one honest choice.
Then another tomorrow.
Let me know what shifts.
Alicia
Tarot Pull
Six of Swords Reversed
I shuffled the tarot cards, and the Six of Swords Reversed fell out. This card is about being stuck in indecision, stuck between two places. Lack of momentum to move forward. When we have an energy leak, that is exactly what is happening. We can't move forward. We are stuck. (Burgers or sushi?) Our energy returns when the ambiguity ends. When we haven't fully decided, when we're in the midst of a change, our energy leaks, and we are in a bit of a quagmire. SO to rectify this situation, figure out where YOU haven't made a complete decision. Where are you between shores? Make your decision fully and take the necessary actions to move forward.
If you enjoyed reading this piece, this is another post on seizing opportunities when they appear.
