Why Old Cycles Keep Repeating
Is Your System Off or Is the Problem Something Deeper?
Noticing
I was 6 years old when I first remember my mom rearranging my room. She had natural creative energy, and when it was ignited, she was on fire. My room was very tiny, with a twin bed, a tall dresser, a little dresser, a doll cabinet, and a closet. It was off a dark alley, with no natural sunlight. Mom got a burst of energy and moved my bed from one wall to another, tried the dressers in different places, and moved everything around. Every piece was reconsidered.
Mom worked hard to create a beautiful, flowing environment. When she was done, everything felt different, even though it was all the same pieces in the same dark, little room. Now they were in new locations. My room felt different. So did I. I felt empowered in my “new” space, more grown up, more in control.
The Impact of Change
When you change your environment, the way energy moves through it changes as well, and, in turn, it changes how you are in the space.
This memory flooded back recently as I watched the movers empty my home of all its contents. I could feel the energy shifting as four men carried the upright piano down the stairs. It was the last piece to go. Now my house echoed.
When you’re going through something… whether it’s divorce, empty nest, retirement… any major transition… changing how the energy moves shifts your whole way of being.
Is it The Space or is it ME?
My kids and I moved into a temporary apartment while our house is being renovated.
Temporary.
That word is dangerous.
Because it makes you think: why bother? Why invest time, effort, and attention into something that isn’t permanent?
This line of thinking can put you in LIMBO. Waiting. Paused. Living in a kind of no man’s land.
I could feel that happening.
My new space quickly took on the same energy as the old one:
Scattered
Overwhelming
Unfinished
And I didn’t like what it reflected back to me.
The Opportunity
Luckily, May began the “Spring Edit” series for an online program I’m taking through the School of Self-Image.
According to Tonya Leigh, founder of School of Self-Image:
“Every room in your home tells a story about how you see yourself. Is it in a state of chaos? What does that tell you about how you see yourself? Is your room your sanctuary, or a mere afterthought?”
The Hard Truth
As I looked around my room, I thought about its state. It looked like a very busy person lived there who took very little time for her self-care and maintenance. It seemed like the person who lived there might be filling her life with STUFF because, on the inside, she felt empty. Maybe she was scattered because she didn’t really know what to do with herself… What is her purpose? Why is she here? What is the greater meaning of all of this?
That was a hard truth to sit with. But I sat there in it.
The Perspective Shift
What I could see was how the room reflected my own lack of self-worth. I made the decision to decide who I wanted to be in this space. I decided that by the end of May, my room would reflect a successful woman who is dynamic and in control of all aspects of her life, who takes the time to care for herself and her possessions. I decided chaos would no longer rule the day. I wanted to be surrounded by a beautiful space.
From there, I challenged myself (with Tonya’s pushing) to create a room that would match this woman. I will create a space for me to be that woman in this room: intentional, relaxed, organized, everything in its place. (Secretly, the thought of this scared me crazy since I’ve lived in chaos for as long as I can remember.) But I didn’t let that fear stop me…
Start Small
I started with the bookcase. I took EVERYTHING off all of the shelves and put it all on my queen-sized bed. Then I went through the books one by one to determine my relationship with each book. (Hello Marie Kondo) When I moved into our temporary apartment, all the books that came with me (a very small portion of my full library) were shoved onto the shelves wherever there was space. Now I was taking the time to discern which books went where and with whom. (I have a very intimate relationship with my books…)
As I got the books organized, I could feel the weight of their chaos lifting from my shoulders. There was a great sense of relief that only a true book lover or control freak can feel when things fall into their right order. This was just round one.
Revealing The Real Problem
Here’s what I realized:
I can’t just organize the space, because then it would revert to the way it was, as it has for many years. The mess I had created was indicative of something else going on that needed to be addressed before the problem would solve itself. What is the invisible problem BENEATH the visible problem? Why does my space always return to chaos? Why can’t I get control over my space/self?
Suddenly, I started to understand: The problem wasn’t the room. It was the version of me living in it.
I can organize a space a hundred times. But if I don’t change the IDENTITY behind it, it always returns to what it was. For me, that is a messy space and scattered environment reflecting scattered thinking.
I am worth wearing the expensive clothes. I am worth the fresh flowers.
Not because I’m not capable. But because my environment is reinforcing who I believe I am.
The real question isn’t How do I organize this?
It’s:
Who do I need to be in this space?
Once I answered THAT, the work became different. It wasn’t about cleaning up; it was about aligning who I want to be with who I really am. It is about understanding that I don’t have to be go-go-go all the time. It’s about understanding that I am worth a beautiful environment. I am worth wearing the expensive clothes. I am worth the fresh flowers. I don’t need to nickel-and-dime myself into “making do” with discarded remnants. I am worthy of space. I can take up space, and it’s OK.
In Temporary Digs
I walk my dog on new streets. The sounds are different. The restaurants are different. The people are different.
It’s only six blocks from where I lived before… but it feels like a different world.
And in a way, it is.
Because I’m different in it.
This isn’t about a room. It’s about how I show up in my life—especially when everything feels temporary, uncertain, or in transition.
I thought I needed a better system. What I needed was a different version of me. A version that understands that I am good enough exactly the way I am, and I am worth taking the time and making the effort to live my best life. I don’t need to abandon myself to be accepted by others. It is, in fact, because of who I am that I am loved. I just need to believe that myself.
And what about you? This version of you?
She doesn’t wait for the space to change.
She changes how she lives in it.
Why not join us for the challenge this month?
Pick a room and decide what you want to feel like in that space.
Then create the space to match.
Become the person you want to be… fully.
The Tarot Nook
by The Velvet Deck
For this blog, I drew the Hermit card in reverse.
When the Hermit card is upright, it is about introspection, solitude, and inner guidance.
When it is reversed, it’s about being disconnected from yourself, while still searching externally, avoiding deeper reflection by staying busy or being distracted, and wanting clarity without creating the space to hear it.
This perfectly aligns with this blog. The message here is I don’t need more ACTIVITY, I need to slow down and reconnect with myself.
Stop focusing on looking outside for solutions. The true solution is inside of you. BAM. The truth can hurt, and it can also set you free.
If you would like a personal tarot card reading, click the link below to get in touch with me.