When Happy Ever After Turns Upside Down:
Lessons from the 10 of Cups Reversed
When Happily Ever After Flips
I met with a friend who was recently served with divorce papers. We spoke about the emotional fallout of suddenly shifting from being married to being divorced. Divorce has become more common, especially with the rise in so-called “gray divorce” among couples in their 60s.
No one wants to think of themselves as a statistic.
And yet, here we are.
My friend shared how disorienting it felt to have this new “identity.” She called herself a “failure,” scared at the thought of finding love again at this stage of life. She felt she had given the best years of her life to someone who didn’t value them. I could empathize with her.
The Shift
Before I got married, I felt cute and fun and full of life. After 30 years, I sometimes look in the mirror and wonder: who is this woman staring back at me?
Dating has changed too. I went on a date with a man who told me he thought I was a good date because I didn’t spend the entire meal talking about aches, pains, and surgeries… (though ironically, he did).
Another neighbor, widowed after years of caring for a husband with Alzheimer’s, remarried with excitement — only to find herself in caretaking mode again when her new husband was diagnosed with cancer less than a year later.
The way we evaluate potential partners is completely different now. Once, the question was: Would this man be a good provider and father? Now it’s more like: How many good years do we have left before the “for better or worse” part tips into the worse?
The idea of aging alone doesn’t sound appealing either. I think of my mother, who divorced at 45 and stayed single for decades. She filled her life with activity, but I still wonder if loneliness contributed to the onset of her Alzheimer’s. A friend of mine has even suggested that we form a kind of commune as we age — living together, supporting each other. I half-joke that we should buy a convent since nuns are in shorter supply these days.
Creating a New Identity
The key in all of this is identity. My mother never thought of herself as “old.” When we toured senior living facilities, she would dismiss them as being “full of old people.” She carried young energy, even when her years suggested otherwise.
“What would my future self do right now?”
So as a suddenly single woman in my 60s, I have to shape a new identity for myself. Not married. With baggage. Maybe not as flexible or energetic as I once was — but still vibrant, still myself. The question is: Who do I want to be now?
I’ve seen this play out with clients too. One woman, after bariatric surgery, faced not just weight loss but a complete identity shift. She needed to learn to see herself as slender and make daily choices from that perspective: what to eat, how to move, what clothes to wear. To help, I had her connect with her future self — the woman she wanted to be five years down the road. Then I encouraged her to ask, “What would my future self do right now?” Each small choice helped align her present with her future.
Taking my own advice
That same advice applies to me — and to my friend. How do I see myself as a single woman? Who do I want to be five years from now? Who will I spend time with? What will I create? What adventures will I say yes to? By holding the image of my future self, I can make decisions today that carry me forward.
Because right now, divorce feels like a roller coaster — one moment up, the next crashing down. But with time, the swings smooth out, stability returns, and we discover that we are stronger than we knew.
Moving Forward
That’s what divorce — or any major life change — demands of us: the courage to reimagine what joy looks like, to let go of what we thought it would be, and to step into the possibility of what it still can be.
So, whether you’re navigating heartbreak, rebuilding identity, or stepping into the unknown, remember this:
You are stronger than you think.
You can do hard things with grace and ease.
And you get to create a new version of happiness, one that’s truly yours.
Tarot Pull
10 of Cups Reversed
Today I pulled the 10 of Cups reversed. How fitting. Upright, this card shows the picture-perfect version of “happily ever after”: family harmony, enduring love, fulfillment. But reversed, it reminds us that life doesn’t always follow the script. The fairy-tale ending can flip.
Yet in that reversal lies a gift. The 10 of Cups reversed asks us to redefine happiness on our own terms. It challenges us to release the illusion of the “perfect picture” and instead create a vision of fulfillment that’s authentic and true.