What are You NOT Doing, that You Really Enjoy?
Start with Dessert
The Guilt of Pleasure
Somewhere along the way, I learned that pleasure had to be earned.
Not explicitly. No one sat me down and said it outright.
But it was there… woven into the fabric of how I lived my life.
Work first.
Take care of everyone else.
Be productive.
Be useful.
And then… maybe… if there’s time left over… I can have a little something for myself.
(And even then, don’t get too comfortable.)
For me, that “something” has always been reading.
I love reading. I always have.
But for most of my life, reading during the day felt… indulgent. Almost irresponsible.
Reading was for before bed.
Reading was for Sundays.
Reading was for when everything else was done.
Which, as you can imagine… was basically never.
The Challenge that’s Changing Things
This year, something shifted.
Madde suggested we all set a reading goal.
Three books a month for me.
On the surface, this is not exactly groundbreaking. I already love to read.
But what changed was when I allowed myself to do it.
Instead of scrolling on my phone in those odd pockets of time—waiting rooms, plane rides, the in-between moments of the day—I started reading.
And something surprising happened.
I felt happier.
Not in some dramatic, life-altering way.
But in a quiet, steady, almost sneaky way.
Like I had given myself access to something I didn’t realize I had been withholding.
Why the Delayed Gratification?
And it made me wonder…
How many of us are doing this?
Delaying the very things that bring us joy.
Treating pleasure like a reward instead of a way of living.
We don’t just postpone pleasure.
We learn to distrust it.
We tell ourselves:
I’ll relax when everything is done
I’ll enjoy myself later
I’ll take time for me… eventually
But “eventually” has a way of never arriving.
Just Do It!
There is something oddly rebellious about reading in the middle of the day.
It feels like breaking a rule you didn’t even realize you were still following.
And maybe that’s why it matters.
Because it’s not really about the book.
It’s about choosing yourself… in a small, almost invisible way.
Between the Covers
For the record, I’m not reading philosophy or anything overly intellectual.
I love a good historical murder mystery—something that drops me into another time and place.
Recently, I read The Murder in the Ruins by Clay Rademacher, set in Hamburg in 1947. It was so vivid I practically needed another sweater just to get through it.
I’m currently reading The Beauty in Breaking by Michele Harper, which is a completely different experience—raw, human, and deeply reflective.
I have a strange love for colorful vocabulary (thank you, Vocabulary for the College Bound Student… and Sister Rita, who still flashes through my mind every time I come across a word I recognize from that book).
(And yes… I judge authors who overuse phrases. How many times can a phrase be used in the same book, like “flotsam and jetsam?” [Jess Kidd in Murder at Gulls Nest]. Some words deserve to be used sparingly.)
Boundaries are Necessary
I am particular about what I read. I noticed something else about myself.
I don’t like being told what to read.
I used to be in a book group, and every month I would resist the assigned book until the very last minute.
Because it felt like work.
And I have enough work.
I want to choose what I immerse myself in.
I want to choose the voices I let into my head.
Because the truth is… we become what we surround ourselves with.
I’ve always said you become like the five people you spend the most time with. (Ask my kids… they will tell you I always say that.)
I think books count too.
The characters we spend time with…
The worlds we step into…
The energy we absorb…
It all shapes us.
Which is why I avoid anything too dark or violent.
Those images don’t just disappear. They linger.
And at this stage of life, I am much more intentional about what I let live in my mind.
Reality is intense enough.
I don’t need to add more darkness to it.
New Rules
So now I read.
In the middle of the day.
Without earning it first.
Without waiting for everything else to be done.
And it feels… different.
Lighter.
More alive.
More like I am actually living my life instead of managing it.
You may also enjoy reading my story about desire:
What about YOU?
So here’s what I’m wondering…
What is one small pleasure you’ve been postponing?
Not the big, life-changing thing.
Just the quiet one.
The thing you tell yourself you’ll get to… later.
And what would happen if you stopped waiting?
Libraries are one of my joy places…
Maybe it’s reading.
Maybe it’s something else entirely.
But maybe… just maybe…
This is the part of life where we stop earning our joy
and start allowing it.
The Tarot Pull
Three of Swords
Sometimes I pull a card and think, “Oh–this is so PERFECT!”
Other times, I pull a card and think, “What?”
Today I pulled the three of swords to go with this blog.
I sat wondering what the message is here.
The three of swords is about heartbreak, sorrow, and grief, all nestled in truth. And the truth can hurt, and it also sets you free.
And that is what I gather the meaning to be here.
Because for me, to deny myself reading because I feel guilty follows the old pattern of denying small joys, believing that pleasure has to be earned, that work comes first, and pleasure is delayed…
It’s a story of self-abandonment.
As women, we go last, get the leftovers.
Joy must be justified.
Today, this card is showing us this truth, and it’s waking us up to this habit.
It’s telling us it’s time to change. That we are actually guilty of delaying or denying ourselves this pleasure.
We have to shift our focus and take care of ourselves first so we can have the energy for all we do.
The shift is: start with dessert. Who the hell cares?
Stop denying yourself pleasure.
Enjoy all the moments of your life.
Not just those few scraps at the end of the day, once the kitchen is cleaned and the dog has been walked, and you get to take a breath.
Make your pleasure a priority.