Understanding the Mystery of Life
How Moving from Shotgun to Driver Changed Everything
The Book
When I read a top-notch mystery book, every detail presented counts. While I’m reading the book, I don’t know the big picture, so I don’t know how the details will fit in. It all becomes clearer as I progress through the book and see how the pieces fit together like a puzzle.
The mystery is weakened by the author's inclusion of extraneous details. Then, at the end of the book, there are open loops.
Why did the author include certain details if they weren’t relevant to the story?
Some people might call these details “red herrings,” but I call them weak writing.
Elizabeth George is the mystery writer who is the master of details and every point matters in her mysteries.
IRL
That’s how it is in real life.
The chance meeting.
The awkward silence.
The misstep.
The broken engagement.
The divorce.
The move.
You live your days without knowing how it will all fit together. You meet someone and have a random conversation. You think that’s it. Then you run into them at an event and reconnect. Then it turns out you have a mutual friend. Then you introduce that person to another person, and they do a business deal, or date your sister. Would any of that have transpired if you hadn’t had that random conversation in the beginning? Was the conversation random????
The thing about the red herrings is that they are like the bright shiny objects in your life that distract you from staying your course. You think something will be the solution, but it ends up being a distraction.
How do you differentiate distractions from courses?
This is the key. Your life can go in so many ways. You make decisions every day that impact your direction. You have a “course correction” mode. This is what moves you as you stray off course and brings you back on track.
The Impact
Divorce totally changed the direction of my life. Suddenly, I went from the shotgun position to the driver's seat. I had to start making the big, impactful decisions that would change the direction of my life. How did I want my life to be at this new junction?
Now that I know the divorce was coming, details from the previous year have become clearer. I had a new perspective. But I couldn’t have had that perspective until the divorce was on the table. It cleared up a lot of the whys.
I am currently renovating my house. It requires so many changes. Finding an apartment to live in while the work is being done. Moving out.
Ha ha. It sounds so simple. Moving out. Two words. Moving out entails dismantling everything that was. Take apart the systems, routines, habits, and all shifts.
I walk Cooper on different streets. The smells are different. The sounds are different. The restaurants are different. The people are different. It’s only 6 blocks, and yet it is a completely different world.
We were living on four floors. Now we live on one floor. Frankly, I like it better. Everyone is close. But there isn’t much privacy. Maybe privacy is overrated?
I am dealing with all sorts of new people making so many decisions every day my head spins.
But it’s all good. The energy is shifting. The cloud is lifting. I am creating the life I want. I am taking control of my life.
No more passenger. No more shotgun. Driver.
Before the Shift
One summer, we had a family driving vacation in Europe. Driving on unknown roads can be stressful because you have to make decisions, and even with GPS, the roads can be confusing. I chose to sit in the back seat and let one of the kids sit in the front seat to monitor the GPS and directions. They were good at it. I released control and was able to enjoy the vacation. Had I been sitting in the front seat, that would not have been the case. (Unless, of course, I was driving. I like driving… I think navigating is exponentially more difficult.)
Red Herrings
The pleasure in reading mystery books is in the unfolding. How small details are revealed and understanding how they fit into the big picture.
That is how it is in life. You don’t understand the big picture, but you need to keep showing up to see how the small details fit together.
And those red herrings? Those are the lessons you learn along the way that make fodder for stories.
Go through life with the Monty Python attitude: always look on the bright side!
The Shift
Don’t get me wrong… I am a HUGE proponent of setting goals and moving toward your dreams. That comes with being a driver.
What if you don’t have big goals?
You have the option of living one day at a time. I question the fulfillment in that. People thrive when they have a purpose and feel needed and useful.
You can have a short-term goal. Getting through this move was my short-term goal for this week. But that was part of a bigger-picture goal of making my house MY house, with things I LOVE. Of NOT accepting things as they are, but CREATING what I want.
Especially as we get older, we need more DREAMS to pull in the direction we desire.
A woman I met last week is retiring soon. I pushed her to visualize the life she wants. Not to focus on “retirement”.... (you can’t THRIVE by what you’re NOT doing… you need to be doing something!). Create an image or dream of what you want and think about it every day.
The shift I have made is from accepting what is… letting someone else create my dreams… to creating my own dreams. I have big dreams which are unfolding… Follow along here to find out exactly what they are!
Don’t get distracted by red herrings along the way!!
The Tarot Pull
The Ten of Swords Reversed
The card I just pulled fits this blog so perfectly that I can hardly believe it. Upright, the 10 of Swords is about endings, betrayal, it’s over. I got this card just before Gunnar told me he wanted a divorce (right along with the Tower card… I mean, was that a difficult time or what!!)
The 10 of Swords REVERSED is about the aftermath… all the hard stuff has passed, and now there is the phoenix rising from the ashes. Well, not quite that far YET, but it is about the slow lifting up and realizing everything will be alright. (Is that a song?)
The card underscores that it is hard to understand everything in the midst of it, but things will clear, and you will be able to move on… You get the perspective AFTER it is over. Before, in my life, it was hard to see the big picture, but now, with the worst behind me, I can see how it all fits together and move forward.
You know, if you want a tarot reading, I do readings for other people as well!
End Note
I write this blog every week in hopes that you, the reader, will find some nuggets to help you on your journey. The path forward is not always clear, but know that you are here for a reason, a purpose. You need to keep moving forward, even when it is challenging, so that you can reach the other side and uncover the reason for the journey.
You are not traveling alone.