Pleasure isn't a Luxury.
It's a Lifeline.
Catholic Guilt
Being raised Catholic can do a number on a person.
We’re given the image of Christ nailed to the cross --- for our sins. He suffered because of us.
That is a lot for a six-year-old kid to carry. Those crosses were all over my school and my house! A constant reminder.
From an early age, we inherit guilt—generational guilt. And with guilt as our foundation, it’s no wonder pleasure becomes a foreign concept.
Trained to Focus on Pain Over Pleasure
As a trained copywriter, I was taught that if you want to move people, you don’t lead with pleasure—you lead with pain.
People are far more likely to act to avoid pain than to move toward joy.
Here’s an example:
If you're selling a weight-loss product, you don’t talk about how confident someone will feel in a dress. You talk about feeling ashamed when people turn away. You emphasize restrictive diets and harsh workouts. Pain sells.
Pleasure? That’s the afterthought.
The luxury.
The reward—if you’ve earned it.
But what would it look like to choose pleasure first?
Imagine how you feel walking down the aisle at your daughter’s wedding. You’re radiant in that beautiful dress. Women glance over with admiration. You feel light. Confident. Alive.
That’s the pleasure path.
Yet still—we’re wired to believe we must earn joy. We delay it. We deny it.
We don’t rest until the work is done… and even when it is, we’ve already moved on to the next goal.
Shift Your Focus
As women in midlife, what if we chose to live differently?
What if we made pleasure the point, not the prize?
In her book The Pleasure Zone, psychologist Dr. Stella Resnick says something that stopped me in my tracks:
“People who don’t lose interest in sex don’t get old.”
There is so much information out there about all the things we can do to stay young. And right there is the simple solution. That also requires that we find the pleasure in sex and I don't know about you, but it was getting pretty painful for me as I got older.
Then I learned things that made a difference and the pain went away.
(I recommend talking to your gynocologist. I started using estrogen suppositories and that really helped. Then I started acupuncture and that helped even more. Then I started with a physical therapist who specialized in women's issues and that was the icing on the cake!)
Discovering Pleasure.
Oil of Olay may want us to fight aging, but what if we embraced pleasure instead?
A good place to start is understanding what pleasure really is.
According to Dr. Resnick:
“Pleasure is the embodiment of happiness.”
It’s not an abstract idea—it’s a felt sense. A body-based experience of joy.
When I looked at my own life, I could list all the things that pained me.
But ask me what brought me pleasure?
I draw a blank.
Sixty-six years old and I didn’t know what brought me pleasure.
That needed to change.
So I began a journey—to discover what brings me joy.
It turns out, it’s not complicated.
Pleasure lives in the senses.
In small, sacred moments:
Tasting a ripe peach.
Listening to birdsong.
Smelling cookies baking.
Feeling ocean water on my feet.
Being touched gently.
Laughing—really laughing.
These aren’t luxuries. They are life-affirming.
But we’re too busy to notice.
Too busy doing, producing, achieving.
We miss being.
We miss the beauty.
A Challenge for You
Today, pause three times—just for a minute or two.
Notice what you hear, see, feel, taste, and smell.
Can you feel the warmth of the sun?
The texture of your clothes?
The rhythm of music that makes you want to move?
Pleasure is waiting. All it asks is that you pay attention.
And if you have daughters, sons, or friends—model this.
Share what you’re discovering. Normalize joy.
Because here’s what I believe:
Christ didn’t die so we could suffer.
He rose—so we could live.
Fully. Freely. Joyfully.
Put down the cross.
Step into pleasure.
Add joy to each and every day.
Live fully.
🃏 Tarot Card of the Day: The Hermit
Today I pulled The Hermit—one of the Major Arcana, which means this is a life moment, not just a daily nudge.
His message?
Pause. Reflect. And take just one step forward.
Don’t worry about the whole path. You don’t have to see the end.
Just do the next right thing.
You’re supported. You’re not alone. You’ve got this.
Thank you for reading Boudoir Banter—the go-to space for bold, curious, intelligent women exploring the unseen side of life. We bring taboo topics—money, sex, aging, reinvention—into the light with humor, wisdom, and zero shame.