Numb No More
A Journey into Feeling E-Motions
I’ve been going to a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic muscles. (Interesting, right? Who even knew that was a thing?) I used to think there was just one pelvic floor muscle—but it turns out there are 14, all working together to support our pelvic organs, continence, and sexual functioning.
And since I’m in the middle of a major life transition, I figured—why not drag all the skeletons out of the closet?
In my case, those muscles had become restricted. They had a very narrow range of motion. I was great at tightening them, but not so great at releasing. The result? Painful intercourse. My physical therapist explained that she sees this often after childbirth, which is essentially a traumatic event for these muscles; many women’s bodies stay in a protective, tightened state. And in our culture, unlike parts of Europe where women receive pelvic therapy post-birth, that healing rarely happens.
So we’re left thinking something is wrong with us.
That’s how I felt. Something was wrong with me. And… well, there was. But no one addressed it. Not for 25 years.
Sex was painful. Which meant it wasn’t pleasurable. And it was supposed to be pleasurable. But I never said anything. I buried it. Until now.
And since I’m in the middle of a major life transition, I figured—why not drag all the skeletons out of the closet? My hope is that, in a new relationship, things will be different.
But here’s the thing. (There’s always a thing…)
My tight pelvic floor muscles? They mirrored something deeper. My whole emotional range had become just as restricted.
I had become numb. I was going through the motions… without the e-motions. Emotional trauma—especially the subtle, ongoing kind—can cause that.
And no, I’m not saying I had a tragic life. Trauma doesn’t always look dramatic. For me, it was the slow, steady drip of “not good enough.” I felt disorganized, overwhelmed, out of control. I couldn't do things right. I tried external fixes—organizers, systems, clearing clutter. (I’m pretty sure The Container Store stock doubled because of me.) But it never helped the internal chaos.
Now, with divorce on the horizon, a new sense of freedom is emerging. But my emotional range still needs expanding. I’m learning to feel again. To express emotions instead of burying them.
Learning to FEEL emotions to expand well-being
Oh—and this didn’t start in my marriage. Nope. This was inherited. A family pattern. I learned emotional tightening from my mother… and then I married someone just like her. Funny how life keeps giving you the same lesson until you finally get it.
No more numbing. No more faking it. No more sexless, joyless lives.
But now? I’m getting it. I’m opening my mind, my heart, and my body to my emotions. I’m saying things like “I feel…”—which I never did before.
Which brings me back to those tight pelvic muscles.
If I want to feel pleasure, I need a full range of motion—in body and in spirit. My muscles need to move. To soften. To wake up. To blossom.
(And hey, maybe there will be bonus benefits—like not leaking when I sneeze.)
This new chapter of my life is opening me to all kinds of experiences. But you don’t have to go through a divorce to start waking up. You just have to decide that your pleasure matters. That you deserve the full range of emotional experience. Yes, even the painful ones. Feeling deeply is what makes us fully alive.
No more numbing. No more faking it. No more sexless, joyless lives.
We as women are meant to feel it all. And that includes pleasure.
So I’m opening the can of worms… and I’m challenging you to increase your range of e-motion.
Because your pleasure is worth it.
You are worth it.
✨ Light your own spark.