If You're Tired of Making Lemonade, Change Your SYSTEM
If life isn't working out as you desire, shift from blaming motivation to figure out what's wrong with the System... where are your wires crossed?
Dead
The car wouldn’t start. Nada. Nothing.
In my mind, the battery was dead. But my experience with autos is generally: Put in key. Turn key. Car starts.
So this was disconcerting.
In a situation like this, my answer is: Call AAA.
My boyfriend said the answer is O’Reilly’s Auto Parts.
Out came the old battery. In went the new battery. On went the car. (love those prepositional phrases…)
Amazing.
Having Agency
What I love about this is that I would have easily given my agency over to AAA for them to work their magic car-fixing skills.
But here, I felt like I kept my agency. Sean, from O’Reilly’s, came out and tested the battery to confirm it was well past its prime. He recommended a new battery and provided the tools for installing it (which did involve getting hands dirty…).
By going to O’Reilly’s, I felt empowered… I had AGENCY. I didn’t have to stand helplessly by the side of the road waiting for AAA to arrive like the prince on the white horse. I wasn’t waiting to be rescued… I was making things happen.
But I got to thinking… Maybe the battery was just a symptom of something else. The battery didn’t stop working because of a moral failure on my part. Maybe I need to understand why the battery died—what was going on that led to its untimely death?
For this, I needed to investigate the system that runs the car: was the ignition ok? Were the lights ok? What indicators were popping up on the dashboard?
The Negative Voice In My Head
All of this made me think of the negative voice in my head. That voice is like the warning lights on the dashboard. That voice isn’t random. When that negative voice pops off, it’s the warning light for a deeper internal problem. That problem usually revolves around fear, protection, or old conditioning. The negative voice is my defense mechanism, trying to keep me safe.
Killing the Messenger Isn’t the Answer
Most people try to silence their inner voice without understanding what it’s trying to accomplish. Maybe instead of trying to silence the voice, the goal should be to understand what it is trying to protect me from, or what is going on at a deeper level.
The voice is part of a deeper internal operating system designed to keep me safe from rejection, disappointment, failure… but the problem is this has become a system of limitations. And it is using out-of-date survival strategies that once helped me (like when I was 5 years old…), and now it restricts my growth.
When that negative voice arises, I think about what I might be afraid of… For example, before I teach a water aerobics class, I am nervous that I will forget what I’m doing mid-stream. I try to shift that fear into understanding that the people in the pool are all supportive and want me to succeed, because then they will succeed. I leave my fear in the locker room.
Or I’m afraid that I’ll have to go somewhere, and the car won’t start. Now I have the power to figure that out!
The Accelerator Method
I developed the Accelerator Method to address the negative voice and help reframe the issue. It harnesses the power of loving-kindness to rewire your brain, rather than trying to fight it. To find out more about The Accelerator Method, click the red button below.
As it turns out, I had left the car's interior light on in the garage. It ended up draining the battery. Lesson learned. Turn that light off.
And when that negative voice in my head berates me for doing something stupid, I can admit that I was careless, and it’s a good lesson to learn. Then let it go. Acknowledge and release.
The Tarot Nook
8 of Wands Reversed
Upright, the eight of Wands is about fast movement, momentum, and energy flowing freely.
Your internal system is working, and your energy flows naturally.
You make decisions.
You recover from mistakes.
You communicate clearly.
You trust yourself.
Reversed, the energy is blocked. The intention is there, but it can’t get through. The negative self-talk runs in a loop.
It’s NOT about lack of willpower or motivation. Something INTERNAL is crossed or tangled.
When the system is disrupted, everything becomes harder than it should be.
1. You overthink simple decisions.
2. You avoid necessary conversations.
3. You criticize yourself instead of adjusting.
4. You want change but cannot seem to create momentum.
What you need to do here is rewire your nervous system so it no longer sees growth as a danger.
More on this next week.