Holding Space
How to Hold Space Without Trying to Fix Everything
How to Hold Space Without Trying to Fix Everything
It’s hard to watch someone you love struggle—especially when every part of you wants to fix it for her.
You see your friend hurting. You want to swoop in with solutions, offer advice, ease her pain. But deep down, you sense that what she really needs… is something else.
I get it. I have a tendency to try and fix everything—people, problems, even drainage sewers that get backed up on rainy days. (Random, I know.)
But sometimes, I can’t fix what’s broken.
And more importantly—sometimes, it’s not mine to fix.
When someone we care about is in pain, our instinct is often to jump into “Superwoman mode.” To solve. To soothe. To make it all better.
But real support isn’t about being the hero.
It’s about being present.
It’s about holding space.
What Does It Mean to Hold Space?
Holding space means being with someone in their pain without rushing to remove it. It means letting go of the urge to fix, and choosing instead to witness—with love, without judgment.
It’s sacred.
It’s uncomfortable.
And it matters more than you know.
How to Hold Space Without Trying to Fix It
Lead with curiosity.
You don’t know the full story. Ask open-ended questions like:
“Do you want to talk about it, or just have me sit with you?”
or
“What feels hardest right now?”
Let her guide the conversation.Be okay with discomfort.
Her pain may make you uneasy—but your presence is more healing than your advice. Don’t try to take it away. Just be there.Ground yourself first.
Your energy matters. If you feel anxious or overwhelmed, take a breath. Inhale for 5, exhale for 8. Let your nervous system settle before you try to hold hers.Say something simple and true.
“This sounds really hard. I’m here for you.” That’s more than enough.Let silence be sacred.
You don’t need to fill the air. Quiet moments give space for her to feel, to breathe, to speak when she’s ready.Reflect her strength.
Remind her who she is. “I’ve seen how strong you’ve been through this.” Help her remember what’s still true, even in this hard moment.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is not what you do at all—but who you are willing to be for her.
Trust her inner wisdom.
Stand beside her with compassion and faith.
And remember: your grounded presence is the medicine.
As the Queen of Cups in tarot teaches us:
“Hold your chalice full of compassion—but don’t pour yourself out to fill another. Let your still waters reflect their soul back to them.”
Your guiding mantra:
“I am not here to fix, but to witness and love.”
When we hold space with grace, we offer something rare and powerful—
Not a solution.
But sanctuary.
Extra Note:
The Bar Method San Francisco is now open with lots of classes at convenient times. Here’s the link to the schedule! The Bar Method FiDi is located at 234 Bush Street at Montgomery St. in San Francisco.