From Rejection to Liberation
Unexpected Lessons from Divorce
Ouch!
The wound still feels fresh and painful. Hard to believe it’s been over a year since Gunnar has asked for a divorce. The divorce is still pending… so many little details to untangle after 30 years of marriage.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering what I could have done to have prevented everyone from reeling in all of this pain? What did I do wrong?
But then I slow down and remind myself it wasn’t about me. It was about him and his needs, and lack of communication so I could clearly see what was going on.
I tell myself that we had 30 years and 3 awesome kids.
It’s the end of one chapter… and now I am in this weird limbo land part between the ending and the beginning of the next chapter. Of not knowing what I want the next chapter to be… it’s still vague in my mind.
The Reframe
The truth is, I didn’t want to end up divorced. I had some stereotypes in my mind about what that meant. Saying, “ I am divorced,” felt like saying, “Yes, after 30 years of marriage, I have been put out to pasture. So if you know anyone looking for an old cow… here I am.”
But little by little, I’m rewriting that story. This isn’t rejection. This is LIBERATION. I have the chance to refresh my home, my wardrobe, and most importantly, my vision for the next 35 years of my life.
The Unexpected Lessons of Divorce
Over the past year, I’ve discovered:
Tiny goals matter. Some days, just walking the dogs or getting out of the house was the win.
Identity shifts. I’m learning who I am outside of marriage, and how to relate to my kids as adults, not just as their mother.
Dogs heal hearts. Their unconditional love is a gift.
Practical skills. From getting my “financial glow” on, to dealing with contractors, to figuring out what to do when the washing machine goes rogue and spews water everywhere (did I need that lesson???).
Humor as the savior. If I can laugh, I can keep going.
It’s not the life I planned, but it’s the life I’m learning to navigate.
The Path Forward
My wonderful real estate agent in Sonoma, Kathy Leonard, told me that even 20- years after her divorce, it still stings… even though she’s in a great relationship. That gave me permission to stop rushing the healing. Pain doesn’t disappear overnight… it dulls slowly, like a shot that hurts going in but helps you get better.
So I’m giving myself grace. Grace to feel sad some days. Grace to stumble. Grace to keep moving forward anyway.
Because even though it’s painful, I know I’m free. Free to be myself. Free to blossom into the best me possible.
One Day At a Time
Like the old TV show said, I’m taking it One Day At a Time. (Except where flight reservations are concerned…)
Thank you for being here, for supporting me, and for walking this road with me.
This isn’t the ending I imagined, but it is the beginning of a new chapter. And I’m ready to write it.
Tarot Pull
Page of Pentacles
It amazes me that the tarot card I pulled for this this blog is so perfect. I pulled the Page of Pentacles.
At first I laughed — what could this student, this beginner, have to do with me at 66? But it makes sense. I am beginning again. I’m learning, I’m planting seeds, I’m trying new things. Like the Page, I don’t need all the answers. I just need to stay curious, take the next step, and trust that something beautiful will grow.
So for you dear readers, stay curious! Each day is a new adventure! Plant your seeds, nurture them with soil, sun, and love. See what grows.