Calling Out Shame: Reclaiming Pleasure
One Brave Yes at a Time
Brené Brown has been trying to wake us up to the impact of shame on our lives. Shame is like a termite—it silently eats away at our foundation, eroding our confidence and stability. It’s hard to name, hard to label, but unless we name it, we can’t heal it. Shame becomes our internal Voldemort: the one who must not be named, but who still holds immense power in the shadows.
Forgive the melodrama, but shame really is that destructive to a woman’s soul.
Everything Else First
As women, many of us don’t even think about our own pleasure until all the work is done. The reality? The work is never done. The shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the emotional labor, the caregiving—there’s always something keeping us from putting ourselves on the list. And here’s the wicked truth: we often feel shame for even wanting to be on the list.
I can do anything for my kids. But for myself? I have too much other stuff to do first.
And so time passes. Years, sometimes decades. All while our own desires go untouched.
So how do we shift this?
Awareness is the First Step
We start by asking ourselves: What does shame keep me from doing?
For me, it keeps me from admitting my needs and desires out loud. I don’t ask for what I want—not because I don’t want it—but because I don’t want to be turned down. If I never ask, I never get rejected. But I also never get what I want… unless someone miraculously reads my mind.
(I’ve met very few good mind-readers.)
I admire my kids for being able to ask for what they want without fear. They understand something it’s taken me decades to learn: a “no” isn’t a rejection of me, it’s just a “no” to the request. I'm still worthy.
There’s a big difference between guilt and shame:
Guilt says, “I did something wrong.”
Shame says, “I am wrong.”
Acknowledge Shame
Shame turns the problem inward and makes me the problem. But shame is the liar in the room. The shift we need is to step back and see the truth: I am not the problem. Shame is.
It’s like being in a partnership and having a disagreement. You can either fight each other, or you can stand together and fight the problem. When shame arises, don’t take its side. Take your side.
The Solution
Be your own best friend.
Stand with yourself.
If shame is standing between you and your desire, call it out. Name it. Face it. And then take one small step toward yourself.
Journal Prompt:
What messages did I receive about pleasure and my body growing up—and what do I want to believe now?
Affirmation:
“My needs are valid. My desires are sacred. I honor myself without shame.”
Tarot Card Pull: The Star
The Star comes after the chaos of The Tower. She’s naked—not in shame, but in truth and authenticity. She pours water on land and into a pool, nourishing both the conscious and unconscious. She reminds us to trust the process of healing, to stand in our own light, and to reconnect with our body and spirit.
This card is a promise: what feels broken can be mended. What’s been silenced can be spoken. What’s been denied can be reclaimed.
This is the card of radical self-acceptance.